Wednesday 8 December 21
I wished I didn’t get up the next morning, then realized its meaning. Stayed away from the window because I feared I might jump off, then came to see how suicidal it was. I’m losing it, but I never actually do. Always on the verge of going mad, but never actually end up in a mental house. It hurts then, this very point that keeps me from collapsing. Mind you, the problem is not the pain but that I don’t know what’s caused it, that I don’t know where it is that’s hurt. Otherwise, pain is normal.